making cat noises will not fix the situation.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
