Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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