so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
