im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
