Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sext me about skeletons
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
