Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
