Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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