I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
