We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i used baking grease as lip gloss
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
