Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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