my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
