"it" just moved
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
