I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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