she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
