'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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