member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
