so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
