need another drink. this is the easiest way
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
