i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
