I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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