Already got asked if we're dating
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
