he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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