took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
