I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize