wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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