He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
