I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I currently don't understand fingers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
