ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
