where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
are you so shy because you have an std?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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