I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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