This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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