Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
