At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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