dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
