Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
