Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
