you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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