apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
