Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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