So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
