I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
