all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
3 2 1 whiskey
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
