Michael Bay diarrhea
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
