I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Even my vagina gasped.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
