brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
