He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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