guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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