Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
