You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
