is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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