i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
