Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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