So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
