my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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