There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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