You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
